A new beginning...

But how do i begin?

Being at a crossroad now, I am in a dilemma as to whether i should be pressured by the society, and the people which society moulds, into rushing to find a job and worrying that I still have no job, or whether I should just take things slowly- take time off to rejuvenate myself, and prepare myself for the next chapter of my life. It is ultimately again back to the battle of choosing to follow your heart or your head.

Sometimes, i feel that life's choices are actually not choices because society forces us to make THAT choice, the one which we would rather not choose. Yes, just blame it on society, and erase 'laziness' and 'undriven' from my dictionary altogether. It is contradicting of how i sometimes wish i do not carve my life the way society forces me to, and yet unconsciously it crawls back in, and i start to realise that it may be innate. And it is horrible when the people around me are not supportive of me taking things slowly, to just enjoy life first, and be happy - at least for the moment.

There are some things I don't understand. Why do people rush to start their career? I can foresee that for the next 20 to 30 years down the road, I will be slogging my ass off in the climb for success. But what is success actually, and why do people blindly rush into the rat race, when at the end of the day, they may not be actually happier? The question in my mind is why rush into something which you know you will be going to do it for the rest of your life? I mean, you have the whole lifetime down the road to work, so why the rush? It is not unless that you LOVE WORK. But, who really sincerely loves working?? I dunno, but the thought of finding a job is bad enough. Life's great on the surface, but it sucks big time when i think of the future. Bleahz.

Actually, what's really pulling me back from job hunting, or even just casually looking at career opportunities is that I will need to give up my freedom. Maybe after enjoying the 25 days of my grad trip with no worries, with no second thoughts about spending and what happens after the trip, I start to feel that life is great that way. That sometimes we should just let our hair down, and simply enjoy the breeze. The grad trip makes me yearn for more trips, and I feel that I need a getaway soon, and I want to go visit my dear friend studying in Melbourne, and I just want to be carefree, and able to travel as and when I want to. I want to simply enjoy my life, and not think of the future.But... how can I? When no one is supportive of me. Even my Beloved says that such a lifestyle is only for the rich - a category which I unfortunately do not fall into. Hai... does it mean that only the rich people have the luxury to enjoy the simplest things in life? That they are the only ones who can choose to follow their heart? Then wouldn't they be the only ones who will lead meaningful lives, and wouldn't they be the only ones happy? It is a vicious cycle. And it is no wonder that people say 'Money makes the world go round' whether directly or indirectly, or that the 'Rich gets richer' in every sense of the word.It becomes depressing the more I think about it.

But oh well, at least for now, I have decided to push job hunting to next week =)