1. The Carefree Life...
- with the freedom to do anything you like - this include endless ladies nights, guilt-free indulgance in pokky land, elimination of 'must remember to clear inbox' mentality, etc etc.
- with the freedom to go anywhere you want - backpacking trip to Vietnam, sunny weekend in Phuket, unlimited days in Melbourne..
- with the freedom to spend time with anyone you want - perhaps some pokky? heh.
- with the absence of obligations, and the commitments, and the responsibilites
- but yet, with the risk that ten years down the road, the sudden realisation that you had led such a meaningless life.
or, consider the next option
2. The Stable Life...
- with the one guy that you love, and who loves you more
- with the guy whom you had constantly picture buildng a home together.. and who agrees to letting you use a room for a walk-in wardrobe
- with a guy who is so genuine and sincere, so reliable, so trustworthy, and who can give you the greatest sense of security you ever need
- with a guy who has the perfect answer to all your questions
- with a guy who is willing to make sacrifices just for you
- with a guy whom you know that you will never meet again, and yet if you choose to leave him now, he may never come back again.
Tbe main dilemma now is not the strugle between my head and my heart... but its a struggle within my heart.. I really don't know what I really want at the end of the day, but often when I look at Beloved, I always think that he is the best gift God has sent me.. ( and so He is taking back other gifts in return, heh ). I don't know if I should choose to enjoy the moment, and give up a beautiful future which I believe we have, or if I should just go back to my simple and contented lifestyle with him. It kills me inside whenever I think about the hurt which I will bring to Beloved if one day I choose to lead my carefree life.. and yet.. I do not want to silently hurt him.. i seriously do not... haiz.
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